Let’s start off simple, BDSM is an acronym for bondage, dominance, submission (or sadism) and masochism.
These four words together incorporate a combination of power exchange, discipline and sensation play which are all included under the umbrella term of BDSM.
BDSM has been gaining notoriety in the past ten years for its increased exposure in mainstream media, but let us be clear, it is by no means a ‘new’ phenomenon.
This type of activity is not always sexual, yet still requires a deep level of trust between partners who are both enthusiastic about the journey of exploration they undertake together.
Introduction to BDSM - Why Do People Enjoy Bondage?
BDSM has been around for centuries. As long as humans have had rope, we’ve most-likely been tying each other up to have sex.
Bondage involves a power dynamic between two trusting and consenting adults, where one person takes on the dominant role and the other plays a more submissive role. But what is it about this power exchange that gets people off? Why exactly do people enjoy BDSM?
You can imagine many studies have been held to understand the answer to this question, and these have been inconclusive. After all, we all have different motivations for everything we do in life, it’s human nature, but when it comes to BDSM there is one thing that most can agree on - it’s a liberating experience.
For many, BDSM practice can provide an outlet where you can let go of control at least for a little while, and feel free of responsibility and stress derived from those responsibilities.
Many people’s desires may be the opposite of how they present themselves to the outside world; those used to giving orders in the workplace may prefer to let go in a more submissive role inside the bedroom. It’s a way to act out your desires in a controlled and safe environment where boundaries are clearly established.
Psychologists who have explored the subject can give us a slightly clearer understanding of why some people enjoy BDSM. Willingness to try new sexual experiences is one of the main drivers of trying BDSM - it’s about the excitement of experimenting with new dynamics or sensations.
What people might not realise is that BDSM is often a planned experience. An act that takes place within a set of negotiated rules and boundaries which requires both parties to adhere to as part of consenting to the scene.
Why do people enjoy bondage?
Bondage is perhaps one of the more well known practices under the BDSM umbrella, and involves restraint of the submissive partner with ropes, handcuffs, stocks or other devices. Whatever the object used, it is designed to render the submissive partner vulnerable and helpless to the dominant which can be arousing to both parties.
This situation creates and requires a deep level of trust and intimacy between the two. They must both trust each other to respect safe-words if and when they are called, that boundaries are not overstepped and that they prioritise the safety of each other.
Bondage also makes sensations more pleasurable because it increases their intensity. A submissive partner may find their senses heightened once they are restrained so multiplying the sensation felt with every touch and caress. This heightened state of arousal can make for a more powerful orgasm.
It would be remiss of us not to call out that abuse can happen under the guise of BDSM, and it is incredibly important to know the difference between the two. Those of us who are comfortable within the community look at mainstream representations of BDSM, such as 50 Shades of Grey, and feel deeply uncomfortable with its abusive nature masquerading as domination and submission.
Communication is key when partaking in BDSM and all parties involved should agree on the limits and boundaries beforehand - as well as respecting the wishes of your partner. In this communication you may establish hard and soft boundaries - hard boundaries which you would never want crossed, and softer boundaries that you may allow to be tested by your partner. Safe words should be established before a scene, respected if called, and can be used by both dominant and submissive partners when either party is reaching their limit.
What are the Benefits of BDSM
There are some recent studies that have shown the benefits of BDSM:
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"Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners" by Andreas Wismeijer and Marcel van Assen (2013) found that those who practiced BDSM had lower levels of neuroticism, had higher levels of extraversion and more open to experience compared to those who did not practice BDSM. This study also found that people who practiced BDSM had higher levels of well-being and lower levels of anxiety compared to non-BDSM practitioners
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A study by Anneli Häyrén and Christian Graugaard (2017) found that respondents who practiced BDSM had a variety of benefits including increased self-awareness, improved communication skills and more self-confidence
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Another study by Richard Sprott and Anna Randall (2016) called "BDSM as a Therapeutic Tool: Exploring the Benefits and Risks" found that BDSM could be used as a tool for personal growth and healing, particularly for those who have experienced trauma or who struggle with issues relating to power and control
Overall, the benefits of BDSM can be:
- Improved Communication and Intimacy - The nature of BDSM demands open communication and trust which leads to improved communication skills and deeper intimacy as we full open up to our partner about our desires.
- Encourages Fidelity - It encourages fidelity as both partners, if they are monogamous of course, build up a different kind of trust over time in a healthy BDSM relationship.
- Better Mental Health - As with the studies outlined above, the research has shown that those who engage in BDSM score higher on certain mental health indicators than those who only engage in vanilla sex. As well as being less neurotic and more open, they are more aware of and sensitive to rejection, more secure in their relationships and have a better overall wellbeing.
- Reduces Psychological Stress - BDSM can be an outlet for stress as it allows individuals to release tension in a safe and controlled environment.
- Deepens Romantic Relationships - When explored consciously and correctly, the practice of BDSM is a very powerful experience for people and ultimately brings them closer together.
But in spite of the benefits of BDSM, it still isn’t for everybody. It’s important to have candid discussions with your partner before exploring BDSM if it is something that one, or both of you, haven’t explored before.
Types of Bondage and Safety Measures
We have established that bondage is a power exchange between partners. The control can be mental or physical in this dynamic, or even both.
For example you could tie your partner up, or you can leave their limbs free and simply command them to hold a position for a given length of time.
The key thing to understand is that both parties must consent to this exchange of power. In this final section we explore the different types of bondage and the safety measures to be aware of before engaging in this practice.
Types of Bondage
There are different types of bondage, each with its own set of techniques and tools. Some of the most popular ones include:
- Rope bondage – this involves using ropes to tie the submissive partner into different positions. These positions could include the hog tie or the spread eagle among many more. This type of bondage requires skill and knowledge to avoid injuring the submissive partner, so if you are interested in this type of bondage, please make every effort to learn from experienced practitioners and always have safety shears to hand in case an emergency release is required
- Handcuffs and restraints – using these objects the submissive is immobilised. The handy thing is that these restraints are easily accessible and versatile so can be used in many different positions. They also don’t require any complicated knots or fastenings. When buying handcuffs and restraints, we’d suggest trying a starter set to find a style that works for you and then invest in something higher quality for you to use time and time again knowing they will not break
- Shibari – Shibari is an ancient Japanese form of rope bondage which focuses on the aesthetic and artistic aspects of tying. This practice involves intricate patterns and knots to create a beautiful and erotic display while restraining the submissive partner. Again, this is a practice that should be learned from experts
Safety Measures
Before engaging in bondage of any type, it is imperative to discuss boundaries, expectations and safety precautions with your partner. For a safe and enjoyable experience:
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Establishing a safe word - both verbal and a non-verbal cue - which either partner can indicate if they want to stop or slow down. This is essential to avoid misunderstandings and ensure both parties feel comfortable and respected
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Use safe and reliable equipment - starter sets are fine to begin with but higher quality products are less likely to break suddenly and helps you avoid injuries and accidents
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Make sure the restraints are neither too tight nor too loose, and that they can be easily removed in case of an emergency
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Check for circulation and breathing - bondage can restrict blood flow so it is vital to check on the submissive partner regularly to make sure they are comfortable and safe. If the restrained partner complains of numbness, tingling or difficulty breathing then immediately release the restraints
We can see there are many reasons why people enjoy BDSM and bondage. From the thrill of exploring to the power exchange and heightened senses, people have their own motivations for engaging in the practice.
If this is something that interests you, it’s important to understand the boundaries of safety and consent. Research all you can and communicate with your partner first.
It is always important to remember that BDSM should always be consensual and respectful, and you should never feel like you are being coerced, or coercing, a partner to explore something. If it is not an enthusiastic yes, then it is a no.