Regardless of level of experience within BDSM, it is incredibly important to remember that safety is paramount in order to make the activity you are partaking in as enjoyable as possible.
Though the activities that fall under the label of BDSM often look intense and extreme on the surface, it’s always important to remember that there is a level of risk associated with them that has usually been carefully managed prior to the scene beginning.
In order to maintain the personal safety of those involved, it is vital to be knowledgeable about the appropriate risks, be aware of signals within the scene if safety looks to be compromised and know what precautions to take and when.
Within this article we will discuss some best practices for staying safe, aware of risk and how to manage that risk while you are exploring BDSM either at home or in pla-yspaces.
Introduction to Safe and Risk-Aware Kink
Without proper precautions and understanding of the potential risks involved, kink can become dangerous or even life-threatening. In the scene we have heard many stories of traumatic experiences that could have very easily avoided, so we implore you to prioritise safety in your scenes.
In this section we will explore the basics of safe and risk-aware kink.
Understanding Safe and Risk-Aware Kink
Risk-aware kink refers to the practice of engaging in kink while being mindful of, and minimising, any potential risks involved. This includes taking active steps to prevent physical harm, emotional trauma as well as any other negative consequences that could arise as a result of kink play.
The key principles of safe and risk-aware kink include:
- Consent: All parties involved in kink play must provide explicit and enthusiastic consent for each activity. If it is not an enthusiastic yes then it is a no! This means discussing boundaries, limits, and preferences beforehand and regularly checking in to ensure everyone is comfortable and enjoying themselves. If you feel like you are being pressured, or are pressuring somebody, into an activity then that is not consent.
- Communication: Effective communication is essential in kink play. This means openly discussing desires, expectations, boundaries and concerns before, during, and after play. It also means having a clear plan for what to do in case of emergencies or unexpected situations.
- Education: Before engaging in play, it's important to educate yourself on the potential risks and how to minimize them. This may involve researching safe bondage techniques, learning about aftercare methods, and seeking advice from experienced kink practitioners.
- Safety: Taking steps to ensure physical safety is crucial in kink play. This involves using safe words, having a first aid kit on hand, and using proper equipment and materials. For example, if you are engaging in rope bondage and need a quick release, it is recommended to have safety shears on hand.
Staying Safe
You can participate in kink and BDSM at home or in a more public space such as a party or a playroom with vetted attendees.
In established venues there are often monitors overseeing activity and watching out for potential violations of safety and consent, but that does not mean those who are playing can shirk the responsibility of maintaining the safety and risk-awareness of their own scenes.
When participating in any scene whether at home or in public, remember these key principles.
Communication is Key
Clear and open communication between all parties is one of the most important aspects of safe and risk-aware kink play. You must be having frank and honest conversations with your partner(s) prior to engaging in anything to do with BDSM. In this conversation you should discuss what you are comfortable with, what you are not comfortable with, boundaries you’re happy to be pushed and ones that are hard limits, and roles. Some people like to know how the scene will play out, others are happy for it to unfold without knowing what is happening next.
Part of this conversation is also what is known as negotiation which involves not only discussing your limits, but coming up with a plan on how to explore these safely. Negotiation is an ongoing process, it is not something that happens once and is never discussed again.
The talking doesn’t stop there. Throughout a scene you should check-in with each other to check you are each OK, and also talk through the scene after it has happened for each other’s perspective on how it went and how you are feeling after it.
Education is Essential
In our opinion, a lack of research leads to some of the most harmful situations happening that could have very easily been avoided. One of the key aspects of BDSM is education.
Once you understand yours and your partner's kinks and desires, it is your responsibility to educate yourself on the potential risks and safe practices involved in their exploration.
Consent is Crucial
Consent violations are something we hear about often. If it is not a HELL YES then it is a HELL NO. All parties must give enthusiastic consent without coercion or pressure into agreeing to something that they are not 120% comfortable with.
This means all activities are negotiated beforehand and all parties have the right to withdraw consent at any time without consequences.
Start slow and gradually build up
We’d recommend to start slowly and gradually build up when practicing BDSM. Too much too soon could cause accidents or injuries. It is also incredibly important to use proper equipment and materials, and know how to use these safely. Make sure all of your equipment is clean, safe, and in good condition because using poor quality equipment can lead to accidents and injuries.
Watch out for red flags
If only everybody was better at spotting red flags! If your partner pressures you into doing something you're uncomfortable with or ignores your safeword, this is a big one. Additionally, the activity you are engaging in may come with its own set of red flags - if you are participating in bondage then be mindful of circulation and breathing issues. If either occur, release the restraints immediately.
How to Research Before Trying Out Any New BDSM Activity
The internet is always a good place to start when researching new BDSM activities and their associated risks. Funnily enough, one such platform is this one - The Digital Dungeon - which we are building to one-day be a one-stop-shop for kink exploration.
Additionally you can start by reading books, watching videos, attending workshops to learn about the activity in a hands-on manner or consider joining local community munches where you can connect with those who have more experience than you in the area you are interested in.
Once you have a good understanding, it’s essential to familiarise yourself with the safety practices and associated rules. Every kink or BDSM practice has its unique set of risks and hazards, for example, watersports has an associated risk of potentially passing infections, so it is important to understand and mitigate these risks beforehand.
Another example is, if you are interested in bondage, you should learn about the proper use of restraints, the importance of monitoring circulation, and how to release a person quickly in case of an emergency.
Post-Play Care
Debriefing and Processing the Experience
Participating in kink play and BDSM can bring about intense physical and emotional sensations and you may experience what is known as Sub-Drop, or Dom-Drop after a scene. A Sub-Drop or Dom-Drop is essentially a come-down of adrenaline and endorphins after a scene that can leave the person experiencing it feeling vulnerable.
Post-play care is what is also known as Aftercare. Aftercare is a well-known term in the BDSM community and is the name for the practice of checking in with your partner after play to assess each other’s emotional and physical states. It is prioritising the time to ensure you each feel comfortable and cared for, allowing you to explore your feelings in a safe and supportive manner.
Aftercare should be negotiated before playing, as the requirements depend on the individual. For example, with previous partners we have often run a bath and bathed together to maintain a sense of non-sexual closeness (and to clean the wax off each other).
Here are some tips for effective aftercare:
- Communication: By talking openly and honestly with your partner about how you're feeling, allow yourself to share your thoughts, emotions, and concerns without judgment or shame.
- Comfort: Some may wish for physical comfort after a scene. Doing this can help promote feelings of safety and security, and create an intimate connection between partners.
- Reflect: Think back to the experience. What did you love, what did you think could have gone better, how do you feel about the experience overall.
- Self-Care: Help yourself to feel good and relax. Think about taking a bath, reading a book or practicing yoga
- Check-In: Take the time to follow up with your partner after a session to see if any thoughts or feelings have arisen since that may need discussion. If any issues arise, it’s important that these are addressed non-judgmentally and with a willingness to be open and honest
Ultimately, aftercare is an essential part of BDSM or kink play but it is also beneficial to provide aftercare after vanilla sex too so that everybody feels respected, cared for and safe. By prioritising aftercare, you can create a positive and empowering experience that promotes growth, exploration, and intimacy.